See Volume II, Issue VI, The Actual Truth Behind the Chronicle.

Aramé Retter & Joseph Pail,

You know, maybe we publish everything you submit because it’s fun to see you guys make fools of yourself on a public platform.

Aramé, please stop coming to my dorms at three in the morning. You’re not welcome anymore. Also who on earth submits an exposé of a newspaper to that same newspaper?

Joe, you gotta lay off the gummies. What else would make you think it was a good idea to submit this line to a newspaper: “The only logical conclusion is that the dropoff box outside Ed Pike’s dorm is magical.”

Y’all are wack.

Sincerely,

Edward Pike (IRL: Joshua Black) Co-editor of The Rutnucker Chronicle