Dear Student Body,

The December 14th Winter Dance is coming soon! Tickets can be bought at the bookstore: $20 dollars for one, $30 for a couple. The theme is “art.” I’d better not see someone wearing Dusk cosplay. If you have questions, please reach out to the student body activities committee, headed by Emry Orr.

— Winter Snow, Student Body President (IRL: Joshua Black)

P.S. To the men reading this: Asking someone at the last minute is not attractive. Please, plan ahead (with actual, detailed, thought-out plans, you morons).